Kung Food Processing
by RockSunner
Summary: What if Kung Food thought like a chef when he was preparing his soup? Warning: implied violence.


What if Kung Food thought like a chef when he was preparing his soup? Warning: implied violence.

 **Kung Food Processor**

Ladybug and Chat Noir arrived on the roof after fighting through the appetizer (Jagged Stone with a seafood sword), the main course (André Bourgeois with a string of sausages and potatoes), and the dessert and cheese course (Marlena Césaire with a cake bow and arrows and Alex with a cheese bomb crossbow).

"Ah, temperature's just right. Time to add main ingredient!" said Kung Food.

He held a large plate of meat and bones, ready to toss it into the boiling swimming pool of soup.

The heroes stopped, shocked and sickened by what they saw.

"C-Chloé?" said Chat Noir.

"What have you done, Cheng Shifu?" asked Ladybug.

"I am not Cheng Shifu, I am Kung Food — the Greatest Chef in the World! At first I was going to drop brat in whole, clothes and all. But chef in me said that would spoil the flavor. Just like any meat that goes into soup – it must first be prepared."

Kung Food tossed the contents of the plate into the soup and drew from his bag a pair of huge metal Jianbing spreaders. (These T-shaped tools are used to spread pancake batter).

"Now to add superheroes for even more flavor!" said Kung Food, wielding the spreaders like two war hammers. "I take care of you two myself!"

Ladybug was doubled over with nausea. For the moment it was up to Chat Noir to save them both.

Kung Food charged them – Chat Noir split his baton into two parts and deflected the powerful blows as he was forced back.

Ladybug recovered and charged in with kicks that knocked the weapons out of the villain's hands. She could have flipped back and caught one of the spreaders in each hand, but she was in no mood for playing around. She leaped back a little way to look for weaknesses.

"Chat Noir! The akuma must be in his chef's hat! Try to grab it!" said Ladybug.

Chat fended off blows from a huge staff (made from a giant omlette wrapped around a stick, tipped with two hamburgers). When he kicked that weapon out of Kung Food's hands, Chat tried to close in. The villain blew a handful of powdered red peppers into his eyes.

"It burns!" said Chat Noir.

Kung Food chuckled. "Like it spicy?"

"Lucky Charm!" called Labybug, getting an object. "A bill printer?"

(It was an old-time adding machine with paper tape, used for printing receipts.)

"And I think it's gonna be a steep one," said Chat Noir.

Kung Food produced a ginormous sword made of pizza.

"You think you can beat me with a piece of paper?" asked Kung Food.

"You're one to talk, Kung Food," said Chat Noir. "You've been trying to defeat us with sausages and cheese! Without any luck, I might add."

Kung Food growled and swung the sword at them. Chat Noir ducked. Ladybug jumped on top of the flat of the blade and ran down it toward the villain. The attempt failed when he flipped the blade up, tossing her high into the air to land on a deck chair.

The pizza blade was thrown off, but Kung Food continued to attack Chat Noir with the wooden hilt.

Chat saw Ladybug looking back and forth for things to use with her Lucky Charm. She pulled out a long strip of paper tape and dipped it into the soup. It seemed to Chat that she planned to use the resulting sticky tape to entangle Kung Food.

By this time, Kung Food had created another gigantic pizza sword. He raised it high above his head.

Ladybug whipped the tape and it stuck in a spiral around Kung Food.

"Chat Noir, all his weapons come from his bag. Destroy it," said Labybug.

"Cataclysm!" said Chat Noir. He charged forward at the bound villain.

As he did, the smell of the soup (with its cooked meat) caught up with Ladybug and she became nauseous again.

"She isn't going to be able to follow through," Chat thought.

Desperation and rage over the fate of his childhood friend caused him to make a snap decision. Instead of touching just the villain's bag he touched the man himself, and willed complete destruction.

Kung Food, his bag, his giant pizza sword, and his akumatized hat all turned to dust instantly.

The purple butterfly flew free. Ladybug recovered herself enough to capture the akuma and purify it.

"Bye-bye, little butterfly," said Ladybug, and tossing the adding machine into the air, she invoked: "Miraculous Ladybug!"

The blast of magical ladybugs fixed everything. Wang Cheng was alive again – stunned and on his back. Chloé spluttered and thrashed in the hotel pool which was no longer filled with boiling soup. Chat Noir dived in and helped Chloé get out while Ladybug held out a hand to lift Cheng Shifu to his feet.

"You were too late!" said Chloé. "I remember everything that monster did... until I passed out. I died, didn't I?"

"Yes... I'm sorry," said Ladybug. "We brought you back."

"I'm going to have nightmares about this," said Chloé. "I'll never eat soup again, or meat. I'll be a vegan from now on."

"That's sounding like a good idea to me, too," said Ladybug.

"I'm going to my room to lie down," said Chloé. "Tell my father that I resign from the cooking contest jury."

"I doubt he would let you stay on anyway," said Chat Noir. "After sabotaging an entry."

Chloé didn't bother with a retort. She just staggered away to the elevator.

Cheng Shifu was a little unsteady as well, but he was better off than Chloé because he remembered nothing of his time as Kung Food.

* * *

The two heroes had to bug out to detransform, but both came back to help the chef back downstairs, where he insisted on making his soup one more time. Marinette stayed far away from the kitchen.

"Cheng Shifu's delicious Celestial Soup has received the highest marks overall, making you the final winner!" said Alec after a re-tasting and re-vote.

"Ah, and it will soon be the 'Mayor's Special' on the restaurant menu of my prestigious hotel!" said André Bourgeois.

"Rock n' Roll! I can't wait to get home and write a song about soup!" said Jagged Stone.

"Thank you, but no longer Celestial Soup. Now called: Marinette Soup," said Cheng Shifu.

Marinette gasped, covered her mouth, and ran from the room.

* * *

Adrien went after Marinette, and found her coming out of the bathroom, looking pale and wretched.

"Marinette, why did you run?" asked Adrien. "Getting a soup named after you is a great honor. You've offended your uncle."

"I couldn't help it," said Marinette. "I ran off to be sick. M-Marinette soup... it reminds me of Brat Soup... Chloé Soup."

"How did you know about that?" asked Adrien. "The only people who remember that are Chloé, Ladybug..."

"...and Chat Noir," said Marinette. "Does that mean you're...?"

"And you're...?" asked Adrien.

"I can't deny it, Chaton," said Marinette.

"M'Lady," said Adrien with bow.

"Maybe it's for the best I got found out," said Marinette. "I don't think I want to keep on being Ladybug. Today was sickening, and it will only get worse as we fight more villains. More deaths, more horror."

"I don't see how I can keep on either," said Adrien with a shudder. "I killed a man today."

"We brought him back," said Marinette. "And Chloé. But she remembers, and he may too, deep down."

"I'm going to talk to my kwami, Plagg, and try find him a new host," said Adrien. "But we... maybe we could go out together some time? As ourselves, now that we know each other's hidden sides?"

"I don't know..." said Marinette. "We can try. But it's going to take a long time for me to put this day behind me. Ask me again in about a month, okay?"

"All right," said Adrien. "Now we'd better get back to the ceremony. If you apologize and accept the honor we can patch things up with your uncle. We'll tell him you suddenly felt ill."

"Which is totally true," said Marinette.

They held hands as they walked back.

The End


End file.
